I used to think that I was an easy person to get along with. I never had any enemies; people that I wasn't friends with didn't dislike me... we were just never friends is all. I have never hated a soul, nor do I ever plan to. I am nice to a fault... it's really easy for people to walk all over me. I guess I've prided myself on my ability to make and keep friends and never be disliked.
This phase in my life is the one where my pride is met with humility.
It started a year ago when my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend (who just happened to be my friend as well) got jealous of all the time I spent with him. There was much drama before there was forgiveness. That was a really hard time for me. I don't like it when people don't like me. Luckily, with time, we've all worked out our differences and are friends again.
Currently I have a couple of friends who are quite mad at me, and I'm not sure why. I wish I knew what I had done so that I could apologize or change. We were once good friends. There was drama. Now I am disliked. I hate loosing friends--especially ones I was once so close to.
Also currently I'm in the middle of a row with my former landlady. (I've been listening to Harry Potter and it's showing up in my vocabulary.) It saddens me because I loved that house and hate to leave it with a tainted memory. Also because I hate the idea that my landlady is mad at me. Also, because I would like at least part of my deposit back. I sent her a letter explaining my side of the story, hoping we could work something out. I haven't heard back from her yet except an email that clearly showed that she hadn't forgiven me. But point is, now she is mad at me, and I'm sure her daughter and son-in-law are, too. All of them I had been on good terms with for a long time. [sigh]
I desperately hope that this concludes the list of people angry with me. It hurts my heart to know that I have hurt other people and pray desperately for forgiveness and renewed friendship. Or at the least, non-bitterness. I do try to live kindly and not offensively. Alas, I am not perfect, as my track record is starting to show. For a long time it really got to me. Yes, there have been tears. I'm now coming to the conclusion that I simply can't be perfect and loved by all, as much as I would love to be. I guess the only thing left to do is to pray for strength to continue forth, being better and more loving every day. Having no idea how to change the past, I can only try to make the future better.
If anyone happens to read this that falls into the category of "Angry at Me", please, I beg you, find it in your heart to forgive me. I miss you. I've never meant to hurt you. If I don't know that you fall into this category, please tell me what I've done wrong so that I can reconcile my wrongs. I've never meant to hurt you, either.
Can't we all just be friends?
3 comments:
Tianna remember that time that your ex-boyfriend (who shall not be named) told me that my boyfriend was dumb, and that I should have married his cousin, who was a jerk to me and didn't deserve my affection? Well, you shouldn't have dared to talk to him ever again, and you did, so I am upset that someone that you talked to once would dare disagree with my judgement... ok enough with the joking around... Love Ya, just had to toy with your emotions! That's not very Christlike, is it?
I know that feeling. Contention has always made me more uncomfortable than anything, and it's really difficult to feel like you've offended someone or have wronged someone, or whatever it may be.
I think it's most frustrating when there is a misunderstanding that causes the offense.
I can't imagine how the Savior continually forgave and loved those who took offense at things that He did--and He was always right.
Tianna you are a great person and whoever has a problem with you its probably their fault and not yours. You are an amazing person and if they can't realize that than I'm sorry but its their loss. You are a great example of kindness and perserverance.
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